Paul Perrotta

"The Bucket Monitor" and Sweatlodge Facilitator

I asked Paul if it would be alright to refer to him as a "shaman", as I see him as someone with beautiful shamanistic energy, and this was his reply:

The meaning of the word "Shaman" has become a bit nebulous for me. To me, the title implies a bit of hierarchy and an implication that you're not one too, which I'm not crazy about. My experiences have convinced my that everyone is a shaman-ess or shaman. That's part of why I offer sweats, hoping we will all get a little less hypnotized to think we're limited. At the lodge I refer to myself as "the bucket monitor". The power and mystery is among the forces of nature and in the lodge. I consider myself a "her servant". ("Her" being the goddess, manifest as the Earth Mother and her womb.) I just try to prepare people to open and surrender to it all. The "spirits" are always available for assistance and no body is closer to them than any body else. Of the shamans I've met, I've been drawn to the ones who don't care if you know their name, and who don't need titles. They just wanna serve spirit, and to make the world a better place for the grandchildren. So you can say I'm a shaman, if you add "like the rest of us"!

I find Paul's response SO eloquent and a direct confirmation of why I knew he would be perfect to lead our sweat for the retreat. I, too, believe we are all shamans and need only to find this aspect of ourselves in order to step into it. I know that Paul will bring us closer to the power within as we move into this beautiful process as a community. Below are some writings Paul has done that are quite lovely and I wanted to include them for those of you who would like to know more about Paul's spirit. Until we sweat...

Gratitude In Advance

Some years ago my van got stolen from a Home Depot parking lot. Inside the van were my altar, drum and eagle feathers, $600 dollars in quarters, (my life’s savings), and $600 in donation money, (to be used for spiritual purposes only). Walking home in shock, I kept repeating to myself; “Thank you for the gift in this difficulty. Thank you for the gift in this difficulty…”. It helped. One close friend said; “Everything comes back.” That felt good.

On the way to the next sweat, I stopped at a friend’s house to borrow a drum. I saw another friend to borrow an eagle feather and some dry sage. I arrived at the lodge with no altar, no cedar or sweet grass, just me and my ceremony. The sweat was deep, beautiful and powerful. I felt so blessed.

On the way home I stopped to return the drum and it was given to me. I stopped to return the eagle feather and sage and the feather was given to me. When I arrived home I learned that my brother had come into a chunk of money and was splitting it up amongst the family. He handed me an envelope containing $1200. A week later, the police found my van. The money was gone but my “sacreds” were unharmed. It all came back. I felt so blessed.

I had trusted the wisdom and love of the universe that it was all for good reason, and I awaited the gift. What came back was not only all the materials, but also a deeper appreciation for and from my loved ones, the excitement and gratitude I experienced when I found my sacreds entact, a demonstration that “sacreds” are just things, but the medicine is always with me, and a demonstration that I am loved by All That Is.

Two weeks later another gift presented itself. I had only been doing requested sweats but people were wanting to sweat regularly. I made the commitment and wrote a letter to announce open sweats. As I was walking up to the post office with this box of 40 Sweat letters, (it was before email), I ran into Red Buffalo, standing by the door. He was a homeless man I’d met some months before, at another cosmic moment, in another part of the city. He was dirty and sweaty and I think drunk. When I walked up to him he got teary, looked down, put his hand on his chest and sadly asked; “Is it bad if you loose your medicine pouch?” The words were close at hand and I answered, “The pouch is just a thing, brother. You got the medicine right there inside.” He lightened up and we talked a little and after singing a bear calling song together (in the Tarzana post office parking lot), he was gone. Again I felt so blessed.

What might have been considered a heavy loss, turned out to be countless blessings, not just for me but also to pass along. “Gratitude in advance” requires a trust in the universe that there really is a gift in every difficulty, and it's that trust that opens the door to "Magic".

P.S. I think Red Buffalo to be a shaman or a spirit helper. The first time I met him was the night before my birthday when I would be going to Catalina for the first time. I was feeling a bit low, questioning my path, and meeting him revived and inspired me and I felt blessed. The next morning I got off the boat at the island and there, on top of the ticket booth was a plastic full sized Buffalo, with a Red coat on.

Hello relatives.

First I want to thank those of you who have been so accepting of my humanness. The last open sweat was a doozy,or, they were doozies. It was another double, plus there was a third, requested sweat planned. I was ready to surrender completely. I was ready to let spirit move through me, and through the ceremony, and through the water. I was ready! And, I was writhing in the mud in the first round of the first sweat. I pretty much stayed there through the fifth round of the second sweat...hammered from the start. I could feel guilty or ashamed for that, but fortunately, I usually mention it every sweat that I'm just the bucket monitor, and that we're all potential shamans.

My experience has shown me that the ceremony is much more powerful than any of us, and I'm grateful for the demonstrations that support that conviction. One of the brothers said he saw me get "loopier and loopier". At the same time, some of the prayers from that lodge were being felt and having an affect, three thousand miles away. There's been some heartwarming feedback.

My commitment is to offer the ceremony to all and when there is a request, to say yes if at all possible. I never asked to run sweats. I didn't seek it out. I was asked by a Chumash elder to start pouring water. It was a serious request and came with a huge responsibility. It is not an enterprise for me. I'm not selling anything. I've never charged for it, I've never advertised or promoted it, and I rarely even encourage it. The idea is that; I'm going to sweat and you're welcome to join me. There are over four hundred on the sweat list and all have asked to be notified of future sweats.

I've had my years in churches and more traditional lodges. They require followers, and they supply "leaders" who are "closer to God" and who know what I need. I liked it for a while. It was a stepping stone. I'm grateful for the teachers put in my path that taught that our gurus are within. I have no interest in pretending to be a leader, or to be more clean, or strong, or more anything. Portrayals bore me. My hope is to share the journey with you; the journey of cleansing away anything not of love; anything that blocks the light; anything that keeps me from moving more towards my fullest potential.

At that last sweat, the wood used was eucalyptus, which burns very hot. Many of the stones were "new" and held a LOT of heat. The weather was near triple digits. There was a lot of distraction as several went in and out of the lodge. These are all aspects which can challenge us to stay with the ceremony and our process. But they were not the reason I was hammered. I was resisting the growth. As I've said: we go in to let go of things that no longer serve us and when we cling on to that which must die, the universe and the ceremony have to pull harder to get us to let go. I've been resisting letting go of smoking, and more importantly, the ceremony; my spirit; the universe has been needing me to let go of addictive thought patterns and the tendency to want to numb out and not feel the pain fully.

Two years ago I called in a powerful and sacred teacher. The messenger was a cancerous bladder tumor. This sacred gift showed me that I was more afraid of quitting than I was of dying. The awareness that I felt imprisoned by the addiction was a sacred gift, as awareness is the first step in our healing. Since that discovery, I've been workin' it, in various ways, through various levels of commitment and of denial. I know it's time to walk the talk or go home.

My commitment to offering sweats requires me to be at the edge of my process always. I will persevere and I will succeed. My intention is to share my journey with you. I will share my process with you, and I hope you'll be my teachers too. If you keep coming, you'll see me on the ground again, and you'll see my breakthrough, and you'll see me come up to my next lesson. Doin' the work is the example I want to be. Sometimes that means looking at my shadow and those places in me that still listen to fear, and sometimes it means feeling drenched in love, courage and gratitude.

If you're looking for a leader who will tell you what you need, you got the wrong guy. If you're looking for someone who's doin' the work and breakin' some trails, I'm glad to be on the path with you. Thank you again, for being so accepting of my humanness.

May the four winds blow gently upon you.